tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-62375752009-02-20T22:55:56.227-05:00Where the magic of mythical beasts and the casual atmosphere of the shack meet.Bettynoreply@blogger.comBlogger60125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6237575.post-24187900491485964702007-06-28T02:44:00.000-04:002007-06-28T02:57:44.346-04:00

TofautarkyA soy-based economy-alternative that limits trade with the outside world, relying mostly if not entirely on its own resources, and is usually made from seitan or tofu.Goes great with...EmbarGo ColaThe refreshing soft drink that prohibits commerce with nations as political punishment! Refreshingly crisp and economy-stifling.

Bettynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6237575.post-1146370002883723192006-04-29T23:43:00.000-04:002006-12-15T20:37:54.816-05:00

Observe me living largely in my choice though artificial habitat.I was financially penalized into submission.Traffic laws were obeyed with all-time acquiescence and muttering umbrage after my insurance went up for a recent speeding ticket.A dog made me rearrange furniture.Much like David Berkowitz, I was compelled to do a neighborhood canine's bidding, which consisted of tasteful feng shui

Bettynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6237575.post-1145487179365360922006-04-19T18:44:00.000-04:002006-04-19T18:52:59.553-04:00

Stupid joke that yes, I made up #147Q: What do you call it when someone who's studying to become a traveling musician experiences a group of physical and/or psychological symptoms prior to graduation?A: Preminstral syndrome!Fuck you.

Bettynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6237575.post-1145402526897883332006-04-18T19:21:00.000-04:002006-04-19T18:54:35.356-04:00

Step 1: Get rich.Step 2: Have a great time.

Bettynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6237575.post-1144618692032098772006-04-09T17:34:00.000-04:002006-04-19T18:54:10.563-04:00

The Shack presents the following sneak previews of this summer's sure-to-be blockbusters.Brought to you by DismemberMintsTM, the new goth mouth-freshener!Sever bad breath with DismemberMintsTM!Prose and ConsA heartwarming tale of two cellmates who find love writing letters through a prison dating agency, only to find out that their penpals are actually each other! Rated NC-17 for extreme sexual

Bettynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6237575.post-1144618375318548952006-04-09T17:13:00.000-04:002006-04-19T18:55:06.376-04:00

Yes, everyone, your favorite Shack is back, and presenting itself self-referentially.Spurred on by the helpful suggestions/threats of friends, creator and CEO of The Unicorn Shack Betty Ballsworth has crawled out of the haze of depression and drug abuse to revive the blog of all - or at least some - blogs in a do and/or die fashion.With sponsorship from the Foundation for Stop Talking About Me

Bettynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6237575.post-1129275078604670842005-10-14T02:59:00.000-04:002006-12-15T20:24:37.620-05:00

New heights of delight were achieved this week, as follows.I failed to accurately convey the weirdness of a dream.Not for lack of trying.I wished I could shoot lasers out of my eyes.Seriously, that would be awesome.I used the phrase "This is our little secret" on at least two occasions.My creepiness index went up a point.I downloaded a bunch of power ballads from the 80's.The devil made me do it.

Bettynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6237575.post-1114745459795849632005-10-13T23:21:00.000-04:002005-11-09T22:07:45.840-05:00

A letter to the guy* at the thing.**Dear the guy,I'm sorry I emasculated you in front of your friends. I realize that you didn't expect your stale notions of human existence or gender norms to be challenged by a dumb girl this evening.All I can offer is my deepest condolences for the deflation of your ego and presumably your erection, though gladly I have no empirical evidence of the latter.Best

Bettynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6237575.post-1112575899586592392005-04-03T19:50:00.000-04:002005-04-04T01:35:41.256-04:00

Prominent and semi-prominent people are dying. A lot. While we're not fearing the reaper, I figured I might as well make some glib commentary. What can we do when our heroes off themselves? Sigh with relief about that last-minute decision to use pencil for "heroes list."Soliloquize in public places about the aberrant parody of humanity that is modern existence.Write a poem or short story.Throw a

Bettynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6237575.post-1109664251114301302005-03-01T03:00:00.000-05:002005-03-01T16:24:01.393-05:00

Another week has passed. All right, more than a week. Feh! Have some highlights, already.Gotta be me, drug free.I abstained from all drug use for 7 days in a row just to see if I could.I got real mad a lot.Anger management skills reached lowest levels since adolescence and/or cocaine withdrawal.March began.Another page was turned on my Star Trek (OS) calendar.My disillusionment with humanity knew

Bettynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6237575.post-1107892307957897212005-02-08T14:10:00.000-05:002005-02-08T16:28:56.973-05:00

A Cosmo extraction.* Let's face it, girls, we're here for them! Once you've landed a man, cooking for him, cleaning for him, pleasing him, having his children, and taking the occasional punch in the jaw are all part of the gig. But how can you be sure you're doing everything correctly, gracefully, and with efficiency? Wouldn't it be great to have some guidance from the men we adore and serve?

Bettynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6237575.post-1100642249196614182004-11-16T16:54:00.000-05:002004-11-17T02:38:16.900-05:00

Stupid joke that, yes, I made up #68 Q: What do you get when everything that can possibly go wrong goes wrong with a mayonnaise and cabbage mixture? A: Murphy's Slaw!* *Don't hate me because I'm hilarious.

Bettynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6237575.post-1099427210168270092004-11-02T15:02:00.000-05:002004-11-02T15:26:50.170-05:00

The Unicorn Shack is sponsoring a new grassroots organization in the year 2005 targeting middle school and high school teenagers across America to inform and integrate them into the largest growing demographic in America: The "Come Be Gay" Campaign We're recruiting and attempting to convert your children to homosexuality. It's not always an easy task, so we're enlisting the help of actual

Bettynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6237575.post-1098302876676772782004-10-20T15:44:00.000-04:002004-10-21T19:57:01.046-04:00

I learned it so you don't have to! It's not so hard to smuggle reefer on an airplane.Duct tape makes me itchy.It may be lonely at the top, but it sure is crowded in the middle.You've got to know when to hold 'em, especially when it comes to petty slot machines and your last five bucks.Prime rib dinner only 9.99.The American Dream smells a lot like stale cigar smoke and perfumed farts.The dumber

Bettynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6237575.post-1096920634518935652004-10-04T15:43:00.000-04:002004-10-04T16:10:34.516-04:00

A new week has come and gone. What have we learned? I waited for inspiration. Hoping for the big creative break that will propel me to immediate stardom, I waited. The Presidential Debate made me giddily depressed. I was even surprised by my surprise at feeling both glee and dolor about the president's fumbling. A left-wing fundraiser I attended was far more depressing. There are few social

Bettynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6237575.post-1096005426308734032004-09-24T01:41:00.000-04:002004-09-27T01:08:29.723-04:00

Share in the abridged glory of this week in the life of the Administratrix. I had a nightmare that I had a job. I returned to my first post-graduation job in this dream, groveled to be reinstated, then ran away in silent cowardice on the first day back. Many fruit flies died by my hand. Thrust into the heart of darkness on a serial fly-murdering mission, I sacrificed my humanity to become a

Bettynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6237575.post-1095270877647967412004-09-15T13:42:00.000-04:002004-09-15T13:54:37.646-04:00

Stupid joke that, yes, I made up #17 Q: Why didn't the man who froze himself awaken? A: His plan wasn't very well thawed-out!* *Punctuates the clamor of shame.

Bettynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6237575.post-1095102965022898112004-09-13T14:48:00.000-04:002004-09-22T01:49:16.293-04:00

Yay! You're in college, now. What's first on the list? Check out the dining hall? Purchase overpriced plastic "storage" units? Avail yourself to institutionalized exploitation by buying $100-a-piece textbooks from a monopoly-owned corporation with unfair labor standards? Wrong! Hook up that stereo and shake the tweeter with College Cool, Vol. I. That's right, kids; we've spent hours upon hours

Bettynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6237575.post-1094675475507788192004-09-08T15:22:00.000-04:002004-09-08T17:46:34.333-04:00

The Unicorn Shack has decided to enter the lucrative world of sports merchandise! We're offering an exciting new product line for discriminating local fanatics. Team Pride Self-Branding KitTM Wanna show off your team pride? Brand it into your flesh! Kit includes stainless-steel soleplate with team logo (heats up to 600 degrees Fahrenheit) and 3-foot cord to plug into any outlet! Yankees Suck

Bettynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6237575.post-1094365307099436392004-09-05T01:41:00.001-04:002004-09-05T19:41:41.996-04:00

It's time again to read and respond to completely authentic letters from our beloved (and very un-made up) readers. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Betty, I think I may be in love with myself. What should I do? -Narcy Siss Dear Narcy, The best course of action would be to explore working in the performing arts, preferably as an actor or a

Bettynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6237575.post-1094184890874457482004-09-03T01:12:00.000-04:002004-09-03T00:14:50.873-04:00

Here at The Unicorn Shack we try to encourage imagination and/or delusional thinking. Follow this link and follow your dreams!

Bettynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6237575.post-1079505452596804822004-09-02T20:51:00.000-04:002004-09-03T00:09:20.040-04:00

We've sent our fact-checkers and proofreaders on a brief hiatus in order to bring you the following very special post. The Unicorn Shack wants you to get to know Betty with the fun "celebrity" game that keeps you guessing - is she straightforward or frontin'? Example: I died. Truth or lie? LIE. Betty never died; to the wild disdain of many she lives to this day in a delirious haze of grandiose

Bettynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6237575.post-1093583086755787212004-08-27T00:47:00.000-04:002004-08-27T01:04:46.756-04:00

-a haiku poem inspired by reflections on team building excercises if your company was manifested in wood i'd set it on fire

Bettynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6237575.post-1093412560500174812004-08-25T01:34:00.000-04:002004-08-25T01:42:40.500-04:00

Stupid joke that, yes, I made up #32 Q: Why did the Eskimo leave his tribe? A: He wasn't Innuit!* *Again, the use of the exclamation point clearly indicates self-hating shame and the absence of the means to conceal it.

Bettynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6237575.post-1093412024947674422004-08-25T01:15:00.000-04:002004-08-25T01:33:44.946-04:00

Excerpts and complete fabrications from transmissions sent this summer Re: I'm not dead. Dear Mom and Dad, As indicated in the subject line, I cling to life with ever-diminishing tenacity at Camp. Olfactory offenses and staff meetings are plentiful, as are general intestinal disturbances. I learned to crochet and am making lots of hats, scarves, and other useful items here in the damp, hot

Bettynoreply@blogger.com