What I Learned in Vegas

I learned it so you don't have to!

• It's not so hard to smuggle reefer on an airplane.

• Duct tape makes me itchy.

• It may be lonely at the top, but it sure is crowded in the middle.

• You've got to know when to hold 'em, especially when it comes to petty slot machines and your last five bucks.

• Prime rib dinner only 9.99.

• The American Dream smells a lot like stale cigar smoke and perfumed farts.

• The dumber people are, the more they will try to school you on things they know very little about.

• Egos are fragile.

• A friend with weed is a friend indeed, even if there are subtle signs of pathology.

• Hope is for suckers.

I definitely prefer my iniquities without the bright lights and bold-faced lies. Dimly-lit, surreptitious mistruths and despair are more my style. Boston, you're my home.

This Week's Highlights

A new week has come and gone. What have we learned?

I waited for inspiration.
Hoping for the big creative break that will propel me to immediate stardom, I waited.

The Presidential Debate made me giddily depressed.
I was even surprised by my surprise at feeling both glee and dolor about the president's fumbling.

A left-wing fundraiser I attended was far more depressing.
There are few social situations (as witnessed by me) that are more pathetic and tedious than a bunch of complacent liberals trying to impress each other with everso droll quips about the stupidity of the president. Yeah, he's dumb. Maybe you should go write a book about it that someone can put in their bathroom for a week. There's an entire genre dedicated to it.

I attempted to dull the pain with marijuana. Again.
It never works out quite like I want it to.

To my secret delight, my resume was ignored by a new cluster of employers.
I'm considering excluding the JPEG attachments of me at parties for the next round.

My life is the place to rock.