Observe me living largely in my choice though artificial habitat.
I was financially penalized into submission.
Traffic laws were obeyed with all-time acquiescence and muttering umbrage after my insurance went up for a recent speeding ticket.
A dog made me rearrange furniture.
Much like David Berkowitz, I was compelled to do a neighborhood canine's bidding, which consisted of tasteful feng shui advice.
I made a joke so dry that everyone just thought I was dumb.
Subtlety is a lost art.
Meat was in the air.
Tepid sausage on the kitchen counter foretold a dark future of pungent meat-cooking.
I waited for an intervention.
Nervously anticipating some heroic meddling from my friends in response to my various unsustainable addictions, I waited.
I had the nervous breakdown everyone knew was coming.
Hilarity ensued.
Saturday, April 29, 2006
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Unarchives
Stupid joke that yes, I made up #147
Q: What do you call it when someone who's studying to become a traveling musician experiences a group of physical and/or psychological symptoms prior to graduation?
A: Preminstral syndrome!
Fuck you.
Q: What do you call it when someone who's studying to become a traveling musician experiences a group of physical and/or psychological symptoms prior to graduation?
A: Preminstral syndrome!
Fuck you.
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Sunday, April 09, 2006
The Previews: Upcoming Movies
The Shack presents the following sneak previews of this summer's sure-to-be blockbusters.
Brought to you by DismemberMintsTM, the new goth mouth-freshener!
Sever bad breath with DismemberMintsTM!
Prose and Cons
A heartwarming tale of two cellmates who find love writing letters through a prison dating agency, only to find out that their penpals are actually each other! Rated NC-17 for extreme sexual content.
I, Robe
A documentary-style film about the origins and development of the bathrobe. Rated NC-17 for extreme sexual content.
The Sexy-Time Sexual Movie
A boy learns the art of mime in this autobiographical coming-of-age story. Narrated by Wilford Brimley. Rated PG-13 for a Marcel Marceau reference.
Academia Nuts
Two doctoral candidates experience a simultaneous psychotic break during their studies as a result of a food allergy, causing them to lose their housing, scholarships, and careers... and find love! Rated G.
Brought to you by DismemberMintsTM, the new goth mouth-freshener!
Sever bad breath with DismemberMintsTM!
Prose and Cons
A heartwarming tale of two cellmates who find love writing letters through a prison dating agency, only to find out that their penpals are actually each other! Rated NC-17 for extreme sexual content.
I, Robe
A documentary-style film about the origins and development of the bathrobe. Rated NC-17 for extreme sexual content.
The Sexy-Time Sexual Movie
A boy learns the art of mime in this autobiographical coming-of-age story. Narrated by Wilford Brimley. Rated PG-13 for a Marcel Marceau reference.
Academia Nuts
Two doctoral candidates experience a simultaneous psychotic break during their studies as a result of a food allergy, causing them to lose their housing, scholarships, and careers... and find love! Rated G.
The Unicorn Shack proudly presents: The Return of the Unicorn Shack
Yes, everyone, your favorite Shack is back, and presenting itself self-referentially.
Spurred on by the helpful suggestions/threats of friends, creator and CEO of The Unicorn Shack Betty Ballsworth has crawled out of the haze of depression and drug abuse to revive the blog of all - or at least some - blogs in a do and/or die fashion.
With sponsorship from the Foundation for Stop Talking About Me Like I’m Dead and an official endorsement from the Freelance Messiah Institute, the Shack officially pledges its tentative and highly conditional commitment to more regular posting* of the sardonic chicanery you’ve all grown accustomed to not seeing anymore. With an ambitious strategy to return readership to the tens of its heyday, Betty Ballsworth and her all-star staff will be working occasionally to bring you the most cutting-edge blog content available at this web address.
So put us back on your RSS, light some candles, and put on your sweats.
* Regularity of posting may not include increase in frequency or quality.
Spurred on by the helpful suggestions/threats of friends, creator and CEO of The Unicorn Shack Betty Ballsworth has crawled out of the haze of depression and drug abuse to revive the blog of all - or at least some - blogs in a do and/or die fashion.
With sponsorship from the Foundation for Stop Talking About Me Like I’m Dead and an official endorsement from the Freelance Messiah Institute, the Shack officially pledges its tentative and highly conditional commitment to more regular posting* of the sardonic chicanery you’ve all grown accustomed to not seeing anymore. With an ambitious strategy to return readership to the tens of its heyday, Betty Ballsworth and her all-star staff will be working occasionally to bring you the most cutting-edge blog content available at this web address.
So put us back on your RSS, light some candles, and put on your sweats.
* Regularity of posting may not include increase in frequency or quality.
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