This Week's Highlights

New heights of delight were achieved this week, as follows.

I failed to accurately convey the weirdness of a dream.
Not for lack of trying.

I wished I could shoot lasers out of my eyes.
Seriously, that would be awesome.

I used the phrase "This is our little secret" on at least two occasions.
My creepiness index went up a point.

I downloaded a bunch of power ballads from the 80's.
The devil made me do it. The devil likes Foreigner!

The government ruined my life.
I was financially penalized for a harmless error and subsequently made to feel my seemingly infinite impotence in a bureaucracy effective only in being cumbersome and unfair.

Sports fans go away.
The sixth circle of hell that is Fenway closed for the season.

People were stupid.
Ubiquitous idiocy reigned supreme.

I'm sorry I emasculated you in front of your friends

A letter to the guy* at the thing.**

Dear the guy,

I'm sorry I emasculated you in front of your friends. I realize that you didn't expect your stale notions of human existence or gender norms to be challenged by a dumb girl this evening.

All I can offer is my deepest condolences for the deflation of your ego and presumably your erection, though gladly I have no empirical evidence of the latter.

Best of wishes for the recovery of your delusional and archaic way of thinking.

love,
Betty

* Does it really matter which one?
** Let's assume some universal setting like a speakeasy or bath house.